The “Great” Ocean Road

A rare shot of the Great Ocean Road with no caravans

A rare shot of the Great Ocean Road with no caravans

The Great Ocean Road is like Australia’s answer to the Stelvio Pass. Not because it’s in the mountains (it’s not, obviously it’s on the coast) but because 70% of the time it’s an over-crowded bumpy, single lane road crawling with caravans and people driving 15 km/h under the speed limit, saying ‘gee Betty ain’t that view somethin’. It’s kind of like that movie your friend has been telling you to go see because it’s ‘so great’, but when you do it’s actually Knight and Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz (so yeah, it’s a giant let-down).

Don’t get me wrong there are sections of the Great Ocean Road (not the movie) that are OK and when the traffic is light it’s possible to enjoy yourself. Almost. The biggest undoing is its location and the type of traffic it brings with it. Any road that requires signs reminding drivers which side of the road to drive on probably means there are a lot of tourists around. When you’re in a car, meeting another car around a blind corner would really suck. On a motorbike I’m guessing it’s up there with finding out you’re adopted and your biological father is Tom Cruise while stubbing your toe on a coffee table all in the space of two seconds…in other words, not great.

So there’s the whole cars not staying on the right side of the road thing going on, then you add off camber corners that occasionally have water running across them for no apparent reason, stray wildlife and an abundance of Victoria’s finest police officers waiting for you to travel 0.11 km/h over the sign posted speed limit so they can issue you with a speeding ticket, thus saving your life and seven small children’s lives in the next town as well.

So I guess what I’m saying is that if the Great Ocean Road was somewhere terrible it would be better than if you have the view…why? Because there wouldn’t be any caravans or suicidal tourists trying to take you with them; but it still wouldn’t be great.

Damn that view

Damn that view

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